Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as If Your Life Depended on It

The FBI’s Behavioral Change Stairway Model of negotiation seeks to influence a counterpart in stages: “active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change” (97). Voss shares an example: In 2000 a militant Islamic group in the Philippines takes American traveler Jeffrey Schilling hostage and demands a $10 million payment for “war damages.” Assigned to work with Filipino forces on the case, Voss finds that attempts to reason with Abu Sabaya, their counterpart, fall short because Benjie, the Filipino officer who speaks to Sabaya, fails to establish a sense of rapport. When Voss asks whether Benjie hates Sabaya, Benjie admits that he does and vocalizes his anger, allowing him to get past those feelings and become a more effective negotiator. Four months later, negotiations drag on. Hoping to defuse Sabaya’s insistence on receiving payment for war damages, Voss tells Benjie to employ active listening tactics discussed earlier, such as mirroring and labeling. After listening to and understanding Sabaya’s worldview, Benjie repeats it back to him, and Sabaya finally says, “That’s right.” After that, he no longer asks for money, and Schilling escapes.

From this experience, Voss highlights “that’s right” as a key phrase that signifies a turning point in negotiation.