Home Is Not a Country

“i long ago begged mama to stop packing

leftovers for me to take to school and the smell alone

one morning filled the entire bus despite

my seat in the back where i waited

for everyone to pile out through the folding doors

before slumping outside myself throwing away

the offending plastic container of okra & lamb & rice

before anyone could know it was mine

now instead i make my own dejected sandwiches

damp in their paper towels two pieces of untoasted

white bread & between them a single slice

of plasticky american cheese”

Nima describes a traumatic moment when those on her bus make fun of her food. This influences her to take food she does not enjoy—evident in her description of the sandwich as “dejected” and the cheese as “plasticky”—to school just so she does not endure teasing. This reinforces the theme of The Impact of Racism on Identity Development because Nima chooses something less desirable to avoid racist harassment.

“nima meaning grace it would be funny

if it weren’t cruel i stumble over my own overlarge

feet & knock over the clay incense holder its coal

burning a perfect circle into the wooden table i brush

an uncoordinated elbow past the counter & the tray

holding tea for guests a full set of dishes

teapot & milk jug & sugar bowl & saucers

& matching cups painted

with tiny flowers goes crashing to the tiled floor

i trip on the carpet’s hem & fall chipping a tiny corner

of my bottom front tooth & in calling my name

in exasperation my mother calls

for the grace i don’t have”

Nima presents the meaning of her name, which is grace. Her clumsiness makes her name ironic. This description contrasts with later depictions of Nima as a dancer in her mother’s eyes. Because of this contrast, it is evident that the irony is only from Nima’s perspective, which reinforces the negative self-perception she possesses.

“even when he calls me the nostalgia monster

he makes it sound like a compliment

full of affection & pure joy has never

made me feel that there is anything wrong with me at all”

This is an early description of the relationship between Nima and Haitham. Even though his nickname for her is teasing, it is given with love. Around Haitham, Nima can be herself. Haitham is a version of “home” for Nima, although she does not realize it yet.