Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight

“My God, I am the wrong colour. The way I am burned by the sun, scorched by flinging sand, prickled by heat. The way my skin erupts in miniature volcanoes of protest in the presence of tsetse flies, mosquitoes, ticks. The way I stand out against the khaki bush like a large marshmallow to a gook with a gun. White. African. White-African.”

Fuller expresses a profound sense of discomfort and alienation due to her white skin, highlighting the complexities of her identity as a white settler in Africa. The quote also underscores the impact of colonialism on individual lives, as Fuller grapples with the privilege and otherness associated with her racial identity. Her remarks reflect her ongoing struggle to reconcile her presence in the continent with the sense of belonging she derives from it, tying back to the theme of The Complexities of Personal History.

“I say, ‘I’m African.’ But not black. And I say, ‘I was born in England,’ by mistake. But, ‘I have lived in Rhodesia (which is now Zimbabwe) and in Malawi (which used to be Nyasaland) and in Zambia (which used to be Northern Rhodesia).’ And I add, ‘Now I live in America,’ through marriage.”

Alexandra asserts her connection to Africa, highlighting her deep emotional attachment to the continent, while also acknowledging her English birthplace, which underscores her dual sense of belonging, connecting to the theme of Negotiating Identity in a Postcolonial Context. By referencing the former names of African countries, she emphasizes the historical and political context of her upbringing, linking her personal narrative to broader themes of colonialism and postcolonial identity. Additionally, her mention of living in America “through marriage” further complicates her identity, suggesting a sense of displacement and detachment from her African upbringing.